Speak Up for Yourself and Your Beliefs

I like to argue, I like to be informed, I try to see things from other’s points of view, and I grew up in a place where the religion I believe in is very much the minority for the area. All of this and more has helped me become someone who is able to stand up for myself and my beliefs, usually. However, I have plenty of friends and acquaintances who tend to let people plow over their voices, oftentimes filling them with regret and even guilt.

In some situations, it may be better to let small things slide, or to work it out in a more roundabout way. In writing this, I’m not trying to convince you that you always have to get in the last word, or to create problems in relationships that matter to you. But there are some moments, even with those important relationships, where speaking up is the best option.

I previously wrote about learning to love myself. I think a big part of loving yourself is respecting yourself, acknowledging and working on your flaws, and still knowing that you don’t deserve to be treated poorly. If someone is cruel to you, or shady, or abusive, learning to speak up for yourself is a valuable skill.

In addition to speaking up for yourself, it’s important to stand up for your beliefs, and by that I mean perhaps religious beliefs, moral convictions, and standing up for others. If your beliefs are rooted in racism, homophobia, sexism, or anything along those lines, don’t stand up for that. Reevaluate and listen to the experiences of others.

A few months ago, I had an experience in a church lesson that I tweeted about. We were talking about what members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints call the Law of Chastity, which essentially forbids premarital sex, with a few other guidelines. I believe in this, but I don’t agree with some of the outdated, cultural beliefs about it. In the lesson, with only women, or teacher, an older woman, said something about how women need to be more careful because men have a harder time controlling themselves. I reacted too quickly, and exclaimed “that’s bullcrap!” during the lesson. I then apologized, but went on to say that men are equally responsible, and that attitude can lead to victim-blaming, incredible guilt, and men feeling like they can do whatever they want as long as a woman doesn’t explicitly say “no.” Some people agreed with me, some didn’t, but I felt good with what I said, besides my exclamation.

I speak up in class against racist attitudes, against prejudice toward immigrants and refugees, and more. I’ve reached a point where I’m not afraid to stand up for what I feel is right.

But how do I do it, and is there a good way to do it?

My personality certainly helps, but it’s not the only thing. Something that I find incredibly important when speaking up for yourself and your beliefs is being informed.

When it comes to yourself, write down what you know about yourself. How would you like to be treated? What kind of comments or actions cross that line? If you struggle doing this for yourself, think of a close friend, and about how you’d want them to be treated, and then apply it to yourself.

When it comes to your beliefs, you’ve got to really know what those beliefs are. Why do you believe in the religion you have, or not believe in one? It can’t just be “because I was raised in it,” or “I think it’s good.” You’ve got to have actual reasons, like life experiences, passages in scripture, logical arguments, for why you do or don’t believe something. If it’s a social issue, you also need to do this. If I just say “racism is still in the US and the world,” or that “immigrants are good for our country,” it’s pretty weak on it’s own. If I follow it up with the fact that workplace discrimination still persists, or that the prison system has plenty of racial bias, or that we actually need more immigrants to sustain our economy, and that even undocumented immigrants pay taxes, then when I speak up, it has more weight. I’ve done my research, I know what I’m talking about, and I don’t want ill-informed and ignorant attitudes to persist.

But isn’t it rude or annoying or pushy to speak up? Sometimes, yes. But it’s possible to speak up in a respectful and polite way.

I’ll admit, I struggle with this sometimes. I am really passionate about a lot of things, and resistance can feel like a personal attack. My arguing spirit can come out. However, I’ve been learning how to be better at this.

If someone says something disrespectful or rude, don’t explode. Ask them why they think that, why they said it. Acknowledge what they said, then present your point of view, and back it up. Even if they don’t change their mind, they will at least be able to see where you’re coming from.

You can be assertive by saying things like “I don’t appreciate what you said, as I know I’m not perfect, but I have worth, and I’m not going to take being treated that way.” You can say, “I know that isn’t true, because I’ve looked it up, and…” or “I’d like to know what makes you say that, I believe something differently, and here’s why.”

People also like people that like them. If you develop a good relationship with others, then speaking up may be easier, because the other person is more likely to actually consider and respect what you have to say.

But what about if you don’t like or respect the other person, or they’re extremely hateful or abusive with no real chance of changing?

If it’s a matter of dislike or lack of respect, it might depend on the situation. Do you see or interact with this person or these people a lot? If that’s the case, you might have to keep trying, go to a superior, or find a way, if possible, to remove yourself from them if all other attempts fail.

If it’s a hateful or abusive situation, that is more serious. Advocating for yourself and your beliefs can be much harder. In these cases, trying to be polite and respectful are much less likely to work. The best thing you could do is to get away from the person or people and get out of the situation. If' that’s not possible, trying reaching out to other sources for help. If you believe you can speak up without serious issues, you don’t have to try and be respectful or polite. Do what you can to get your voice heard.

A reminder- it’s okay, for everyone, to be angry, do be upset, to be hurt. These are natural and normal emotions. You’re not a bad person for feeling the way you feel. However, it’s still better to react in a way that’s appropriate for the situation, not by instinct. Maybe a situation, especially one concerning injustice, does call for anger, for loud voices, for protests. But typically, with individual or smaller groups interactions, I’ve found it works out better to stand up for yourself and your beliefs in a calm manner.

Everyone’s situation is different. We’re all different people. But change doesn’t happen if nothing changes. Speaking up for yourself is one way to effect change. I wish you all luck. :)